Links in a Chain and Eternal Memory

I rarely use this blog for overtly personal things, but the last few weeks have been difficult for me and - as the blog's title says - I feel I have something worth saying and worth reading.

My dad and mom divorced when I was two years old. He moved away to California and it wasn't until I was about nine that he came back into my life. After a while he left once again. Things were never antagonistic. He wasn't a bad man. He never hit me or my mom, and never was verbally abusive. He just wasn't sure how to raise a son and lived with that guilt his entire life. That guilt meant that I only had sporadic contact with him since he often vanished without warning.

Jerry Lynn Bogle. Picture courtesy of Scott Walker.

A few months ago I received a phone call from someone I barely knew. He said he knew my dad, knew where he was living, and that he had Stage IV cancer. He asked if I had any interest in being reunited with him. I said yes. That random phone call from a virtual stranger enabled me to reconnect with my dad and allowed us to understand and forgive. I learned that my dad had been homeless for several years due to disability, and as the cancer progressed he spent a lot of time in the hospital. Because of that we didn't get to see each other everyday even after being reunited, but the time we did have with each other was positive.

After a major bout of pneumonia he was taken to Hospice. Everyone thought he had a month or so left. Unfortunately, less than 72 hours later, on June 9, he was dead at age 59. I am his only child.

~~~~~

Margaret Joy Coakley Koch

As I write this, it has been four days since I learned by maternal grandmother was gravely ill. I went to see her at the nursing home on Monday (July 9) and on July 10 she, too, passed away. She was 87. In terms of her children and their descendants, I am one of 75 who survive her: 7 kids, 23 grandchildren, 37 great-grandchildren, and 8 great-great-grandchildren.

I have always been fascinated by ancestry. Discovering one's heritage helps build a bridge between the past and present that not only gives one a sense of belonging and place, but can help to inform and guide one's future as well. In reality, no family is more or less special. Go back far enough and we are all related. It doesn't need to be that far either. Still, a family tree is made up of individual people and everyone is unique in some way. One love lost or never found, one illness or injury, even turning right instead of left could mean the difference of entire branches of that tree.

I am the product of my mother and a salt of the earth man named Jerry who helped to build structures across the country. And because of my mother, I am also the product of a small lady who always wore heels just to go outside and check the mail.

I am the product of these two very different people, and they are also the product of others. I'd like to talk a little bit about that.

~~~~~

Thanks to the wonders of the Internet, I have been able to trace my ancestry back many generations. On my dad's side, I descend from a Scottish man named John Bogle who was born in 1530. On my grandmother's, from a man also named John, John R. Byrd. He was born in 1669 in Virginia.

Looking through all the parents of parents and so forth, I have in my family tree Civil War veterans, Revolutionary War veterans, pastors, tenant farmers, and men and women who braved crossing oceans to start a new life.

It would be impossible to list the details of all of their lives. There are hundreds of names. There are people from the former British Colonies, Scotland, England, Wales, and even Germany - all that have come together to emerge as a tall, skinny, dark haired-blue eyed, blogger from Murfreesboro, TN. One way to view those names in a family tree is as links in a chain. One link never connects and *poof* not only am I not an only son, but I and my 74 other relatives aren't here either.

~~~~~

One of the few family photos with most everyone in it. Taken circa 1995.

All life is fleeting and there will come a day for nearly all of us when the only thing people know about us are names and dates. Entire lifetimes - love, hate, birth, accomplishments, everything - reduced to a few lines of text. Even when going over all of the different things I know and remember about my dad and grandmother, when held up to the totality of their lives, I come away more than a little saddened. How is it that so much can happen, that so much can matter, yet so little remain?

The truth is, no matter how badly I want to know all of the things my dad did in California, or what my grandmother's life was like as she lived through WWII, all that really matters is they lived their lives in such a way to create some pretty good people. I am my father's legacy. My scores of aunts and uncles and cousins and I are the legacy of a grandmother born in Chattanooga. We do our duty and we serve witness to their lives by following the path they tried to lay out for us; despite their flaws.

To not let guilt stand in the way of relationships. To work hard to care for your family, even if that means you have to sacrifice. To not let petty disagreements or hurt feelings from decades ago allow those 8 great-grand kids from knowing the other 67 people they share blood with. And whether or not we are able to forge another link in the chain by having children of our own, to do our best to help those around us and make our corner of the world a little brighter.  

My own father helped the world when he gave what little he had while living in a car to those who didn't even have that. My grandmother helped the world by teaching us all about God and sharing her love of music.

Families can be complicated. Sometimes real hurt and anger can cause lasting rifts. 

I come from a collection of individuals. I exist because of the lives of countless others. I live now in the midst of dozens who all share blood. But just like my dad and grandmother picked how they lived their adult lives, I pick how I live mine. I can't change what has happened, but I can certainly decide what will happen by heeding the lessons of those who came before.

We may all be links in a chain, but we and those who come after us are also their eternal memory. Let us all remember that.


--Jacob Bogle, 7/12/2017
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Thanksgiving 2011

Usually this blog is used for political articles and things of a secular nature, however, its title is "Jacob Bogle Writes" and my life encompasses much more than politics. Sorry for it being a few days late, but here is my family message for Thanksgiving 2011.


"Today is Thanksgiving's Day, a day when we come together as family and friends and stuff our faces, but, it’s also a day, as every day should be, that has a spiritual side to it. A day for us to give thanks and remember what life means, and to remember the very truth of reality that God exists, that Jesus lives, and that through him we can have even better days and years to give thanks for in the future.

You read throughout the Bible of many men and women giving thanks to God; Moses did, David did and Jesus did. Christ taught us how to pray and give thanks for each other, but he also taught us how to give thanks to God for the bad stuff in life.

It’s real easy to say “thank you Lord” for a great meal, or for friends/family, or because we got a new job, but life isn’t always wonderful. Life can be full of hardships too, but again Jesus taught us what to do. Jesus never whined to God and even when he knew he would be arrested, brutally beaten and killed. Instead of saying “OK I want to stop” or “why me,” Jesus simply prayed and asked that if it was God’s will that he be crucified, for God to give him the strength to do it.

We aren’t thanking God that we got the flu or became disabled, we are thanking God for the opportunity to be like Christ. We are thanking him that through our hardships we can learn to lean on Christ, to trust the will of God and for the chance to overcome. So thank him in the good times and the bad, and when confronted with a problem or sickness to ask the Lord for the strength and inner peace to go through it, especially if what you’re going through really hurts or looks hopeless.

As Christians we are often told to look forward and gear our lives toward Heaven, but God didn’t make us human so he could be with us when we’re dead, he made us so that we might have life. We are only alive for this moment, not 10 minutes ago and not 10 minutes from now, we live just this second so let us remember the true meaning of what it is to live. That meaning is coming together, being thankful, loving each other, and, most importantly, sharing the love of God to others, that in us, we should exemplify.

If Christ is in you then let his light, your light, shine and be a symbol of hope to others. The best way we can thank and praise God is to be praise itself in our everyday life to the wonders of God."

-- Jacob Bogle, 11/24/11